Before I go
by Lady Eivel
Summary: Ninth Doctor's regeneration told from his point of view. 9Doctor and Rose. Also posted on A Teaspoon and an Open Mind.


Before I go.

The kiss had been fairly long, but for the Doctor it was all too short. He turned toward the TARDIS, giving back the energies to their rightful owner. When he was sure they were all out of him, he turned towards the unconscious girl on the floor. His heart ached with love for her as he recalled how close she had been to death. And all for him.

Gently he lifted her up, like a father lifting his sleeping child and he carried her into the TARDIS. He laid her gently down on the floor and after a brief check that her body had not been too badly damaged by the vortex energy, he stood and went over to the console, initiating take-off.

A few minutes later, he was leaning on the console with his hands on the edge. As he scanned the controls, he was aware of a flash at the edge of his vision. It happened in an instant- there and gone- but it was enough to get the Time Lord's attention. He moved his head round to see another flash of gold- sparking up his hand.

For a moment he dismissed it. Then the full meaning of what he had seen sank in- he had not managed to get rid of all the Time Vortex energy. He knew from experience in the War that even a little of this energy was deadly. He sighed. '_Goodbye Rose_' he thought, and wondered how she would react to him regenerating.

Just at that moment, Rose stirred. He looked over to her. She lay on the floor- in exactly the same position as he had placed her in. But her eyes were wide open and looking at him.

He needed a distraction. Something that might make her laugh and take his mind of the tingling pain as the energy spread through his body. Barcelona. He began to talk, gabbling about how he was going to take her there- emphasis on the was going to part- and about the dogs.

It partly worked. She laughed "You're not making sense!"

He grinned, and thought that this might just be the time to start talking about what was about to happen. "I might never make sense again" he replied with a grin "I might have two heads- or no head!" he laughed. It was entirely different to his usual chuckle "Imagine me with no head!" he continued "And don't say that's an improvement."

He was getting more serious. Rose sensed it, and stayed silent- trusting he would tell her as much as he wanted to when he decided to. He was grateful for that trust- although he knew it might be totally shattered within the next few minutes.

"It's a bit dodgy, this process." Rose looked confused. He carried on- the pain in his body growing by the second "You never know what you're gonna end up with-" Pain greater than just about anything he had experienced exploded inside him. Doubling up, he staggered back.

Rose was duly alarmed "Doctor!" Jerking out of the pain, he shouted a warning. She must not touch him like this- she would die too.

"NO!" the commanding tone in his voice made her stop. Despite the pain, he drew himself up to his full height. Looking at her, the fear in her eyes was painfully obvious.

"Could you tell me what's going on?" she asked- almost timidly. So she didn't remember the Vortex. Oh, well- explaining might help take his mind off the pain and she'd only nag him if he didn't so…

"I absorbed all the energies from the Time Vortex and no-one's meant to do that!" he said- forcibly injecting a little of his old cheerfulness into his voice. Through another surge of pain, he saw it hadn't made her smile as intended. He carried on- without the humour "Every cell in my body's dying" he gasped.

Rose looked shocked. Obviously- before, he had always saved the day. He was the hero- the man who had saved so many millions of lives including her own. And he was dying in front of her.

"Why don't you do something?" she asked. It was almost pleading- as if she wanted this all to be a dream from which she was about to wake up.

"Yeah. Doin' it- now" he gasped as another wave of pain washed over him "See, Time Lords have a little trick- sort of a way of cheating death. Except… it means I'm gonna change. And I'm not going to see you again. Not like this. Not with this daft old face!" Rose still looked upset. He wanted to reassure her "Before I go…"

"Don't say that!" she interrupted. Her voice was full of fear.

"Rose" he intoned gently. She fell silent.

"Before I go I just wanted to tell you you were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic." Again, pain raced through him, but he ignored it.

"And d'ya know what?" he added with a grin "So was I."

As he said those words, several thoughts entered his mind. The Death Zone had, though it had been kept secret, been moved to another solar system shortly before the Time War. What if it had survived? What would his previous incarnations think of him if it had?

The thought of what a couple of them might say brought a grin to his face. He looked up and saw Rose, too, was managing a weak smile.

Then the scene changed. He was standing in the Death Zone- which had obviously survived. In front of him were all his previous incarnations and their companions, looking at him. He grinned at them and a few smiled back.

Rose, however, had watched in shock as a strange gold light enveloped the Doctor. She vaguely saw his features changing and in a few moments a completely different man stood in front of her.

"Hello, new teeth- now let me think." He had a Scottish accent and Rose caught a few words of what he was muttering. He brought his head up. "Oh that's right! Barcelona!"

But his cheery voice did nothing to comfort Rose. Where was her Doctor? This man was not him.

He had gone.


End file.
